Self Realizations

I’m not clever or witty. I’m not deeply philosophical. I’m just a person with simple thoughts and opinions on a number of things. I do consider myself reasonably intelligent. I do not always agree with mainstream mores and ideals. I am independent and, for the most part, rational in my logic.

I have been blessed with 4 wonderful children and 8 beautiful grandchildren. I have attended both Tech Schools and College. I have worked in numerous industries. I have been fortunate to have lived in 9 different states, and I have traveled to all the rest except for Alaska. For this reason I believe I am uniquely qualified to talk on a wide variety of topics.

So then, why is it that I have a hard time writing anything? Are my thoughts so random and quick that I cannot focus on any one topic unless I’m specifically asked a question?

Perhaps the idea of putting into written word what I am thinking is hindering me since at times words cannot do justice to what I am really wanting to say. Maybe I’m simply too critical of myself.

Could it be that I fear being judged by others and once written I can’t “explain it away” if others think negatively of what I’ve written?

It would appear that, in my opinion, now that I honestly think about it, I lack the self-confidence to just write and not care what anyone else thinks. Often I explain this pause in my writing to “writers block” but that isn’t what it is at all.

People say I start a lot of projects and never follow through and finish them. If that’s true, then it seems to me I fear and avoid certain situations. For example, I might have to speak in public or be at the front of a room, or even stand to ask a question from an audience. Why do I shy away from being in photographs?

I don’t think I’m exceptionally shy. I have no problem with going out and meeting people as long as it’s on my terms. When I meet new people I’m quiet until I can assess the person and surroundings so that I know what is “safe” to say around them.

I guess what I am saying is ….

Without positive feedback I feel unable to continue any project or writing. For some reason it is important to me to know that what I am doing is being appreciated and enjoyed by others. Let’s face it, most of what we, as individuals, do each day is for someone else and without that acknowledgment we feel it is pointless to continue.

Author: JB

Wife, mother, novice writer, and friend to a select few. Graduated from FHHS, Mizzou, and Lincoln Tech. I hope people enjoy my writings. Currently living in Texas and awaiting the day I can return to Missouri.

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