The Mind of an Aspiring Writer

I’m not clever or witty. I’m not deeply philosophical. I’m just a person with simple thoughts and opinions on a number of things. I do consider myself reasonably intelligent. I do not always agree with mainstream mores and ideals. I am independent and, for the most part, rational in my logic.

I have been blessed with 4 wonderful children and 8 beautiful grandchildren. I have attended both Tech Schools and College. I have worked in numerous industries. I have been fortunate to have lived in 9 different states, and I have traveled to all the rest except for Alaska. For this reason I believe I am uniquely qualified to talk on a wide variety of topics.

So then, why is it that I have a hard time writing anything. Are my thoughts so random and quick that I cannot focus on any one topic unless I’m specifically asked a question? Perhaps the idea of putting into written word what I am thinking is hindering me since at times words cannot do justice to what I am really wanting to say? Maybe I’m simply too critical of myself? Could it be that I fear being judged by others and once written I can’t “explain it away” if others think negatively of what I’ve written? It would appear that, in my opinion, now that I honestly think about it, I lack the self-confidence to just write and not care what anyone else thinks. Often I explain this pause in my writing to “writers block” but that isn’t what it is at all.

I am known for starting a lot of projects and never following through and finishing them. I fear and avoid all situations where I might have to speak in public, be at the front of a room, or even being in photographs. Surprisingly, I am not necessarily shy. I have no problem with going out and meeting people, but only on my terms. If I am introduced to someone new I am, for the most part, very quiet until I can assess the person and know what is “safe” to say around them.

I guess what I am saying is ….

Without positive feedback I feel unable to continue any project or writing. For some reason it is important to me to know that what I am doing is being appreciated and enjoyed by others. Let’s face it, most of what we, as individuals, do each day is for someone else and without that acknowledgment we feel it is pointless to continue.